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Exile on Main Street USA
The King of Spades snaps custom-made handcuffs on Buzz Lightyear as all the other Disney characters in Club 33 pause to watch. Everyone in the pin-drop quiet private club-turned-beer hall stares at the condemned space ranger, shoulders slumped and spirit shattered.
"Buzz Lightyear," bellows the King of Spades. "By order of the Queen of Hearts, I hearby banish you to Pixar World for the night."
Accepting of his nightly fate, Buzz bows his head as two playing card guards grab him roughly by the elbows in a saber-rattling show of force.
Roger Rabbit leaps up on the table and grabs Buzz by the shoulders, trying to shake some backbone into the submissive spaceman.
"You don't have to take this," Roger says, slapping the spineless spaceman across the face. "You're Buzz Lightyear of Star Command."
Indiana Jones tries to restrain Roger, who continues slapping Buzz. You’d think by now Roger would realize there’s nothing that can be done. But the rabbit never learns.
"Snap out of it, man," Roger screams.
Indy lifts the flailing bunny off the table and throws him on the floor in a heap at Mickey Mouse's feet.
"We go through this every night, Roger," an exasperated Indy says. "They come to arrest Buzz, you slap him silly and nothing changes."
Roger hops up on a chair and points an accusatory finger in the face of a cigar-chomping Mickey.
"You could do something about this if you wanted to," says Roger, nose to nose with Mickey.
Mickey blows a cloud of smoke in Roger's face, sending the choking bunny tumbling backward onto a table full of drinks. The commotion stirs Buzz from his sedentary state of acceptance.
"Yeah, Mickey," says Buzz, equal parts wounded and weary. "You could put an end to this."
Sensing trouble, the teeter-tottering guards surround Buzz and Emperor Zurg with spears at the ready.
"Chill, dude," Zurg whispers to Buzz in his robotic electronic voice.
Gnawing on his cigar, Mickey tries to balance a show of power with a display of compassion. Indy wouldn’t want to be in his big yellow shoes - making an endless stream of guests happy all day and keeping a ragtag bunch of characters in line every night.
"Trust me, Buzz," Mickey says. "This goes higher than me or the Queen of Hearts."
The King of Spades shoves Mickey in the chest with the shaft of his spear.
"Watch your tongue mouse," the King sputters. Buy the book
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Sample chapters
Prologue: Once Upon a Time
Chapter 1: Wonderful World of Disney
Chapter 2: A Whole New World
Chapter 3: Exile on Main Street USA
Chapter 4: Evil Plans
Chapter 5: Real Princesses of Disneyland
Chapter 6: Action Figure
Chapter 7: Code R
Chapter 8: Common Foes
Chapter 9: Peace, Love & Mickey
Chapter 10: Operation Death Star
Chapter 11: Frozen Ever After
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